Family Traditions

Family photos and family traditions are different now. Can you relate? After we said good-bye to our son in the fall of 2018, we still gathered for our annual Thanksgiving lunch at MeMa and PaPa’s house, but it was different. That December, I hung the stockings in the same place, but the tradition of filling them and watching our children empty them Christmas morning was unlike any other year.

This was the question that I found myself asking after I lost a child, but I could have easily asked it when my parents divorced, or when my husband and I moved away from home after marriage.

With each life transition, I’ve learned to focus on why our traditions are treasured and that has helped me successfully find joy even in the presence of change. A thoughtful survey of why I practice certain customs and attend time-honored events helped me remember that the value of our traditions is not derived from how we do things but rather why. I hang stockings, plan fun birthday parties for my children, and attend our annual family stew because I want to create and experience memorable moments with those closest to me. I want to shower love on “my people” and encourage deep connections. Many of my family’s traditions are an expression and celebration of our faith in Christ. None of these motives were eliminated by change or grief.

While continuing some of our treasured traditions felt impossible, I realized I could if I wanted to. You can, also.  Realizing I had a choice helped me take my right next steps. While your steps may look different, I believe we can continue to experience meaningful traditions when life offers turning points. We get to decide what we will do next.

We can choose what to modify, what to keep the same, what to eliminate, and what new traditions will be birthed from change. Adapting a tradition is not the same as abandoning it. But if you need to eliminate a tradition it’s good to remember that you are not saying it was never important. It is simply acknowledging that you can choose what is helpful and healing to your heart when faced with a turning point. You may find, like me, that eliminating an old tradition is exactly what is needed to make room for creating new ones that bring joy.

Our family photos continue to be difficult, but we choose to take them.  We’ve adapted a few things when we take our pictures. We stand in the same place at my in-laws’ home on Christmas night and line the children up with their grandparents in front of the tree, but now, someone holds a picture of our son so that he is with us in the photo. We have added a balloon release to our son’s birthday celebration and started an annual event in his memory. Both bring our family joy, draw us together, and are a testimony of our faith.

If like me, your circumstances leave you wondering how to continue a family tradition, consider asking yourself these questions:

• Why do I value the tradition? 
• Will it be helpful or hurtful to continue the tradition? 
• Is there a way to adapt the tradition? 
• Is it time to eliminate the tradition, leaving room for something new that brings our family joy?
  
  

As you decide, know that what you choose this year can still look different next year. For now, I hang all the stockings at Christmas. My daughter picks out cards from her brother to be given to me on my birthday and Mother’s Day, and to her dad on his birthday and Father’s Day. I don’t know how long we will continue these things, but I am at peace knowing we get to decide.



Blessings Soul Friends,

Why not start a new family tradition? Praying together under the Christmas Tree.

Jingle and Joy is an advent study, sharing the story of prayer beneath the tree for all people. You will want to keep it by your tree, bedside table, or coffee table to read each day from now until Christmas. Daily prayer prompts will keep you kneeling beneath the tree, looking up to God, trusting he hears your every request.

Jodie Barrett is a speaker and writer with a passion for Jesus. Visit her at FaithfullyFollowingMinistries.org to discover more about finding joy even in the midst of pain.